chances

"Forget the risk and take the fall. If its what you want then it's worth it all."

I've been thinking about chances lately. The chances we take, the ones we don't,

And the ones we take and fall. I think there's so much beauty in chances and the possibilities that come from them. With one slight move the way your life has been for so long could be changed in an instant. I never used to be good at taking chances. I hated the fear of change and the darkness of the unknown, but I guess when the unknown is all you have you can't be fearful your whole life.

I made a promise on a dark day filled with a lot unknowns to my best friend. I promised to start taking chances to make this world my own. To fight for what I want and have the courage to leave what I don't. There were times it wasn't always easy to say what I felt and risk my heart or my strength, but a lot of things became more clear and the change didn't seem so scary anymore. Along the way I got weaker and my promise seemed to fade. I didn't stop all together but I fell and things changed. The world didn't seem as open as it had just a few months before. I retreated back to the person I used to be in an attempt to heal my wounds. I knew it wasn't what he wanted for my life. I knew he'd give me one of those brotherly advice talks to get me back on track if he was here, but he's not so I avoided thinking about the chances I was letting pass me by. Just hoping maybe he'd forget it too and let me just slide through life without even skimming the surface, but we all know he's not the one who forgets things.

So I took a chance. I made a change. In an instant my life went from my safe little bubble that I had grown to love the past three years to a whole new world of unknowns and possibilities. Those first moments were terrifying. The world felt dark and unsure. As if everything and everyone I knew was suddenly worlds away. So in a long sleepless night I remade a promise that I had made once before. A promise to take chances. To live life the way it was meant to be lived filled with hope, joy, and endless possibilities. I promised this time I'd get back on my feet when I took a chance and it failed. I promised him I would try to be open with my heart and to let people back in.. to be open to letting love in and knowing that maybe it could work but if I tried and it failed that I could recover because my heart had been picked up before and it could do it again.

I know that he is watching me live the life I used to dream about. This is the dream I used to have so long ago. A dream to be here, to be growing more than I ever thought possible. I hope with every passing day he's proud of me, and holding me to that promise. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't still terrified in those moments when I put everything I have into a chance, but everytime I have kept true to my word and put a part of myself out there the nerves have gone away, and the unknown hasn't seemed so scary.

So here's to the chances we take. The ones that make us think our lives might not ever be the same. The ones filled with endless opportunities and possibilities. I hope you all take a new chance today. Tell someone what's on your mind. Heal the broken pieces by doing what ever you've been putting off. If one thing is for sure in this world is that we dont know how much time we have so why should we live the time we do have in fear of the great unknown, or in the fear of changing our lives entirely. All I know is I'm happy living life as fully as I can knowing that I will make it no matter what it brings.