Lately time has been on my mind. The way we spend time doing things we love, doing things we don't love, time spent at a job, or school, time spent worrying, or time spent wishing we just had more time. Time is relative; you never know how much you have, or how much of your time you have spent. I think it all is hard to comprehend. You spend time worrying about how much time you have, or you spend time thinking about all the time you could have had.
I've worried a lot lately about time. Time I wish I still had, time I thought I was supposed to have. I think the hardest part is realizing that there is time I will never have again. Maybe losing time isn't the hardest thing we have to face in this life. What if the reason we are having a hard time with time is that it is something we cannot control. We can't control when others time is up, or we have something come up that takes a bit of our time. It is human nature to want to control our lives, so why not be frustrated with the thing that no matter how hard we try, how much planning we put into we will never be able to control. We can spend the precious time we have thinking of ways to extend the time we have, or we can take the time we have and spend it making adventures, memories, and spending time with those we love.
I often wonder if I spent the time I have had well. If I spent the time I was given with those I love the best way I could. Some days it is different. I often think that I was given the short end of the stick when it comes to time spent with those I have lost over time. I ask the typical questions, what if, why me, what could I have done differently; and 9 times out of 10 the answer is a lot.. I don't know how to describe to you the amount of time I have lost wishing I just could have had more time.. More time to hug my Grandma Wright, more time to listen, talk, and hug my Brother, and more time to learn, and love my Grandma Taylor. I am holding onto a thread of string that holds all this time I could have had. Time filled with regret wasting time with anger, misguided priorities, and unimportant events. All I can say is at the end of every day I wish I just could have had more time. All I want now more time.
I don't believe that I will ever get that wish; because as we know time cannot be controlled. We only get so much of it, and we will never be able to add to that, or to ask for more of it. When our time with others, or our time is up we only have that much. So don't waste it. I have said this before and I will say it again.. without sounding like the soundtrack off Frozen.. just let it all go. Let go of the hate, the anger, the regrets, and the pain. Just love, and live; spend your time with those worthy of your time. Stop wasting it on people who don't appreciate you, or make you feel worthless. They aren't worth it. Spend it with family, and those friends who are like family. Those are the people who are truly worthy of the time you have. Don't wake up one day and regret that you missed a piece of time. Time may be out of our control, but how we spend each day is something we can control so spend it the way you want, and don't let someone tell you that you are wrong.
I may not have had all the time I wanted with those I love, but I know without a doubt in my mind that the time I did have were times I will never forget. The laughs, the hugs, the memories are all engraved in my heart, and no amount of time will lessen any of that. Don't get lost in the thought of time.. just live and time will work itself out.
